Husband shares experiences of coping with grief in new book

Letting Go And Living On has been written by Mark Lea in memory of Julie, who lost a two-and-a-half-month battle against a rare form of cancer on June 20 last year.

Julie died in a hospice at the age of 39 on Mark’s 45th birthday. Less than a week earlier, they had spent their 16th wedding anniversary in hospital.

Mark, who lives in Sleaford, said: “As well as reflecting on her time in hospital and those final 36 hours in a hospice, I want to offer support to anyone who needs it because I understand the importance of talking and listening with people who have been through grief.

“I knew immediately that I needed professional support, but I didn’t know what that really meant. I am telling our story because I want to help others.

“There is not a right or wrong way to deal with any of this. When you’re ready, there is so much support out there, but you don’t need to put a timescale on it. Talk about everything and share your emotions.

“When people ask ‘Are you ok?’ you want to scream at them ‘Of course I’m not. My heart is broken and my soul has died’. What you actually say is ‘I’m coping, just. Thanks for asking’.”

He says the book is also about learning that because life goes on, you must as well. With support, with friends and with the right people to talk to, there is a way back.

Mark said: “It will be different, but we can cope with different as long as there is hope and a plan.”

The book is written mainly from Mark’s emotional journal notes over the first few months following Julie’s death. He decided to put it together towards the end of 2019.

He also looks at friendship and getting back to ‘normal’ life. There are heart-warming tributes from Julie’s friends and North Kesteven District Council colleagues plus six of her poems.

“I want this book to become Julie’s legacy because she was always ready to help others,” said Mark.

Julie was taken ill at work on April 9, 2019. After various hospital visits her condition was diagnosed as an appendix tumour. Ruling out surgery and chemotherapy due to the rapid advance of the cancer, Julie was transferred to St Michael’s Hospice, Basingstoke, and died the next day.

Mark returned home to Sleaford and immediately began bereavement support sessions through St Barnabas Hospice, followed by independent one-to-one counselling sessions.

He went back to full-time work in August as sports editor of the Lincolnshire Free Press and Spalding Guardian, but decided to leave in March to focus on publication of the book and a new career.

‘Letting Go And Living On’ has been produced by 3P Publishing of Corby, costs £7.99 and is available now from www.bookshop.3ppublishing.co.uk